I’ve decided today that I’m going to break the law: deliberately break the law.

So here goes:

I am a committed republican. I’ve nothing personal against the Queen you understand, it’s simply that I believe that the monarchy is an outdated and archaic institution which has no place in a modern democracy.

I’ve no problem with keeping the royal family on as bit of tourist trap; on the whole I’m given to understand that, for all that it costs us a fair bit of cash to maintain them, when it comes to the overall balance of payments they are a net earner so it makes reasonable business sense to keep them on as a kind of theme park attraction as long as they keep it up and make a decent profit for the country; but I really can’t be doing with the whole business of royal assent, oaths of alliegance, the royal prerogative and other the constitutional trappings of the monarchy.

So, with that in mind, I have to say that I am in favour of the abolition of the monarchy.

There, I’ve said it; and having said it I’ve now committed an act of treason as defined by the Treason Felony Act of 1848, which makes it an offence punishable by life imprisonment, to advocate the abolition of the monarchy, even by peaceful means, in print. This law remains on the statue books today, despite an attempt to repeal it, two years ago.

I am now, self-admittedly, a felon and look forward to a nice comfortable cell in HMP Belmarsh and a lifetime of relative leisure at the expense of the state.

There, that was easy, wasn’t it.