From a series of posts on his blog,- [1] [2] [3] & [4] its looks very much as if both myself and Iain Dale have been simultaneously working on the same question - just what was John Prescott actually doing in visiting Colorado-based Billionaire, Phillip Anschutz, at his home, last July.

The story so far is that Iain’s definitely up on me on this one:

I can exclusively reveal that two days after John Prescott’s overnight stay with Philip Anschutz John Prescott flew to Los Angeles where he was a guest at a champagne reception hosted by the Chief Executive of AEG Tim Leiwke. AEG is the company which runs the Dome and is owned owned by Anschutz. This man is on record in the Independent saying that "a casino licence is fundamental to the future of the Dome". So if that is so, how could Prescott and Anschutz discuss the regeneration of the Greenwich Peninsula without talking about a casino licence?

But we’re pretty much even on the revelation that Anschutz, a mild-mannered businessman by today, by night turns into Stephen Green on steroids.

In the past, Mr Anschutz has donated large sums of money to Colorado for Family Values, an organisation with explicit homophobic views. He is also a major patron of the Republican Party and funded ‘Amendment 2′, a voter initiated ballot to overturn gay rights in the state of Colorado. He is also a major donor for the Institute for American Values, who campaign against single parent families.Voters approved ‘Amendment 2′ in 1992 which changed the state’s constitution to explicitly ban laws that protected gay and lesbian people from discrimination based on their sexual orientation.The approval of the amendment by voters led for some activists to label Colorado as a “hate state”, and there were mass protests by LGBT campaigners outside of churches…

from Pink News

I should also note that another Anschutz’s favoured causes is the Discovery Institute who are, of course, the leading UA propnents of the errant and unscientific wingnuttery that is so-called ‘intelligent design’.

What’s bothering me about this whole story is that if there really is anything to it at all then something about it just doesn’t add up.

Put it this way, if Prescott genuinely has been playing footsy with a billionaire would-be super-casino owner then as the usual quid pro quo in such a relationship goes there seems to be an awful lot of quid potentially heading Anschutz’s way but not a lot of pro quo on Prescott’s side of the equation.

It just doesn’t add up…

…

I wrote the first part of this about 10 O’Clock this evening, then took a break to watch Newsnight, which has confirmed what has been my line of enquiry in this. Documents obtained under FOIA (so say the Beeb - more on this later on) appear to show that Prescott took a keen interest in casinos and that OPDM was monitoring progress on on a few things in relation to Anschutz’s plans to  place a casino/hotel complex inside the Millenium Dome, amongst other stuff.

Iain Dale was also interviewed, but only in much the same vein as Nick Robinson’s line on his blog today - i.e. bloggers are biased and don’t have to research stories and verify the facts like us professional journalists, so were better than the. Nyar-nyar-nee-nyar-nar! It’s seems the BBC has now started with much the same kind whinging about bloggers we’ve getting from the dead tree press for months.

Well, Newsnight - let’s just see you suck on this.

First, while its nice that you managed to obtain these documents, can I ask you specifically WHEN you obtained them?

Considering that this whole story has blown up in the matter of, what, a couple of days and that the government is certainly not in the habit of responding to a fresh FOIA request in such a short space of time, one has to wonder quite how you managed to have just the rights documents for the story at just the the right time…

…unless you’ve either

(a) known about this story for a while and sat on it, until bloggers smoked it out and force you out into the open, or

(b) you’re request for information has been fast-tracked by twhoever dealt with this request because someone on the inside see’s it as being in their interests for you to have this  information.

When is a leak, not a leak? When its a conveniently timed release under FOIA?

Second - and this is going in bold type…

Even with all the information at your disposal, you still succeeding in missing completely the single most salient and important fact in your whole report!

Look, its simple - all you need to do is follow the money.

Step 1 - Anschutz’s entertainments company, AEG, takes the desperately embarrassing white elephant that was the Millenium Dome off the government’s hands under a 20 year lease on what amounts to a ‘pay as you go’ deal.

This deal, as the report explained, entails AEG paying nothing until it has recouped its investment in various things - including an arena and the aformentioned hotel and casino complex - plus some degree of profit, following which the taxpayer will start to get it’s kickback - by way way of what appears to be a share in the profits from the Dome over an above what the Chancellor normally takes by way of taxation and any licencing costs, if the casino licence is granted.

That’s the deal between the government, specifically DCMS, and AEG for the Dome - and this was mentioned, albeit briefly, in the report.

The documents obtained by Newsnight also indicate that AEG’s view of the whole project was that a casino licence would be essential to its success - bottom line, the casino is, in AEG’s view, the cash cow that makes the rest of project work and, not only that, but of course, if AEG do get the casino licence, which amounts to a licence to print money, then it will much more quickly recoup its costs, deliver a profit and start paying on trhe terms of its lease, which means money paid over to the taxpayer - or rather the government.

And who collects this cash - well ultimately the Treasuery, of course, but the department which signed off on the deal was the DCMS…

…who by a complete coincidence are also the department responsible for issuing casino licences.

Now everything would have been hunky dory, were it not for a bit of media-driven furore over gambling and a bit of opposition in the Commons & Lords, which resulted in the number of licences on offer for the kind of unlimited jackpot, super-casino that AEG want to put in the Dome down to just one…

… for which their are currently eight eager bidders, all of whom want the big prize and the largest piece of the action.

Now according to Newsnight, all this could create the unfortunate impression that AEG have had a bit od preferential treatment on their bid - which is where they completely miss the key point in all this.

All you need do it follow the money thorugh the deal between DCMS and AEG for the Dome - if AEG get the super casino licence it will start to generate big profits the sooner it generates the profits, the sooner it begins to pay its contractual kickback to the taxpayer for the lease on the Dome… and unless there’s a set cap on this kickback, this also means that the more profits AEG make, the more money slips quietly in the Treasury’s coffers.

This is NOT about Prescott’s freebies and who he may, or may not, have been shagging while off on his jolly little junket.

It is NOT EVEN about AEG maybe getting a bit of preferential treatment and ministerial solicitude.

What is is about is a government that has a direct pecuniary (i.e. financial) interest in seeing AEG get the super casino licence, and one compounded even further by the fact that it is the same department (Culture, Media and Sport) that made the deal with AEG for the use of the Dome, that will now issue the licence for the super casino.

Now some may see that as a canny bit of business - that ’some’ certainly will not include the seven other bidders for the same licence who, when the penny drops, are likely to notice that they’re bidding against a competitor (AEG) who has a considerable advantage over them due to a deal they’ve already cut with government for use of the Millennium Dome.

What ther other bidders have to offer, in strict cash terms, is whatever they pay for their licence plus whatever the Treasury rake off in taxes, but when it comes to AEG, not only does the Treasury get the licence fee and taxes it also, somewhere down the line, get a direct share in AEG’s profits.

On top of which, you now have the little matter of Prescott hanging out with the owner of AEG - oh, and before I forget, its also worth mentioning AEG’s other little favour to the government, which involves the arena they’re going to build in the Dome being used for a few events at the 2012 Olympic Games, including the Basketball tournament…

…and, oddly enough, Prescott just happened to take his trip out West to see Anschutz last July (2005) while, by strange coincidence, London’s success in bidding for the Olympic Games was announced on 6th July 2005.

This leads me to two observations.

The first is that if you were involved in any of the seven rival bids to AEG’s, then you could easily be forgiven for thinking that maybe, just maybe, the fix has gone in and the outcome of the decision on awarding the licence for the one super casino that the government is allowing is, shall we say, looking suspiciously like a bit of a foregone conclusion.

The seond observation is simply that, with all the resources at its disposal and its ‘oh, so professional’ reporters and editors to rely on, it seems rather strange that no one at the Beeb appears to have noticed or saw fit to comment on the glaringly obvious pecuniary interest that the government has in AEG’s bid, even though all the information required to make the connection was in the actual report.

Simple oversight, a bad case of post-Hutton gun-shy syndrome, or maybe just playing it cute in the hope that blogger might just make the connection… I’ll let you decide.

As for Prescott - to me he looks like the fall guy as usual, because instinct suggests there are bigger fish to fry somewhere in all of this…

BTW - should note in relation to my comments earlier in this post about when I started to write this up - there are a number of fine, upstanding, bloggers who can, if necessary, testify to my having made the connection at the core of this piece at least a couple of hours before Newsnight aired, although I am happy to credit Newsnight with having provided the evidence which verified my thinking on this subject.

Byline: Unity

12 Comments »

It seems, of late, that I’m one of few bloggers who’s warped enough to eschew the now ritualised twice-weekly slaughter of the lesser-brained Toynbee (see that’s what happens when you ban fox-hunting, the buggers only go off and find themselves a new bloodport) in favour a rather more satisfying pursuit - which perversely enough seems recently, for me, to be Mad Mel Phillips…

…I suppose I could just do what everyone else does and treat her like she’s the mad granny in the attic who must never be mentioned in polite company - hang about, maybe she is the mad granny in the attic, depending on where Joshua Rozenburg stashes her when he’s out at work…

… one can’t help but picture something similar to the plexiglas cage and bodyboard strait-jacket and ice-hockey mask arrangment from Silence of the Lambs when contemplating that particular matter.

Anyway, back the matter at hand, which is Mad Mel’s latest missive for the Daily Mail aka ‘Dr Strangethoughts or how I learned to stop worrying and love fascism’…

The day after tomorrow, Britain commemorates a sombre anniversary that is also ringing the loudest of alarm bells. On year on from last July’s London bombings by two groups of British Muslim boys, the mortal threat to Britain from Islamist terror appears to have increased many times over.

We learn from the head of the Metropolitan Police’s Anti-Terrorism Branch, Peter Clarke, that no fewer than 70 further such terrorist plots are currently under investigation. That is a simply astounding number. This is not terrorism as conventionally understood, but a war.

I beg to differ here, a war is defined as a state of open, armed, often prolonged conflict carried on between nations, states, or parties, while terrorism is defined as the unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organised group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons which look to be somewhat different things to me.

It seems Mel’s trying to get into the swing of this whole business of using ‘real life’ lessons in maths that’s been ptiched of late by Education Secretary, Alan Johnson… in fact you can easily see where this is heading…

Question 5.

If it takes four Islamic terrorists three months to plan a bombing in a London nightclub, how many terrorist plots must there be to make a war?

Meanwhile an opinion poll reveals that, while the vast majority of British Muslims do not support terror, a horrifying number do so; while even more harbour the kind of extremist views which create the sea in which terrorism swims.

Many thousands of British Muslims are patriotic, law-abiding citizens. Indeed, last weekend saw the death in action of a British Muslim soldier, Jabron Hashmi, who was killed fighting for his country against the Taleban in Afghanistan.

Nice of you to remember that, Mel… for a change.

Yet according to the Populus poll, 13 per cent of Britain’s 1.6 million Muslims believe the 7/7 bombers should be regarded as martyrs; between seven and 16 per cent per cent think suicide attacks on British targets can be justified; and two per cent would be proud if a family member joined al Qaeda, with a further 16 per cent who would be indifferent.

That represents hundreds of thousands of British Muslims who either justify or support the murder of their fellow citizens. These numbers are utterly appalling.

Moreover, they are consistent with many other similar findings. Only last week, a Pew opinion poll across Europe revealed that, while Britain was more sympathetic to its Muslim minority than was any other country, British Muslims hated their own country, the west and the Jews more than Muslims anywhere else.

Yet the air is currently thick with recriminations that Britain has failed to do more to win Muslim hearts and minds. Is this true? I’m afraid this misses the point.

Misses the point? Really? So what are we saying here out fount of all wisdom, that maybe we should be quite so curious as to wonder whether we might have done something to piss a few of these people off along the way, what the little matter of Iraq in the background?

The disturbing fact is that, even after 7/7, both the political and security establishment and large parts of the Muslim community are in a lethal state of denial. They are refusing to acknowledge the true causes of the terrorist threat and taking refuge instead in various alibis.

The essence of the problem is that it is not enough — necessary as it is — to detect and thwart terrorist plots. Just as crucial is to address the hatred and lies that are driving this murderous violence.

In particular, what needs to be combated with the utmost vigour is the Muslim culture of grievance, the paranoid belief that the west is engaged in a conspiracy to aggressively attack and destroy the Islamic world.

Right, so what you’re saying is there’s no need to consider why people might just a tad pissed off, because they;re fundamentally in the wrong for being pissed off in the first place?

This delusion has meant that many Muslims misrepresent Islamist aggression as self-defence, and the west’s attempt to defend itself as aggression. This double-think means that Britain is itself blamed for the attacks mounted upon it.

Right so when Muslims attack Britain and call it self-defence, they’re wrong but when Britain invades Iraq, which had fuck all to do with Al-Qaeda until we piled in there - we’re right - and they’re the ones with exclusivity on double-think… right… now, what section of the Mental Health Act was it, again?

But as the Met’s Peter Clarke has observed, the actual causes are far deeper and more intractable. They lie in a deadly intersection between Islamist radicalism and the alienation of many British Muslims.

Okay, I’ll give you that, mainly because you’re quoting somebody else here and not putting up ideas of your own…

Many of their young are stranded in a cultural desert. On one side is the traditional culture of their families. On the other is a society bombarding them with drugs, alcohol, pornography and sexually available young women, and a governing class which constantly rubbishes Britain’s bedrock values.

Thus rootless and confused, many young Muslims are all too vulnerable to Islamist radicals seductively promising them an identity which can give them self-respect and a sense of purpose. Tragically, it is an identity based on hatred and violence.

So what you actually saying is that is our fault after all (partially) because, to the average Muslim youth, Britain has become a latter day Sodom and Gomorrah in which its impossible to develop any real sense of self-respect and purpose on account of all the drugs, booze and slappers, of whom whom the government don’t diapprove enough?

Well hang on second here - I’ve also grown to adulthood in this same society and can’t say I’ve ever had too much of a complaint over the drugs, booze and available young women (thinking back here to before I met my partner) and yet I’ve never really a problem with developing self-respect and a sense of purpose, so perhaps you could explain precisely why you think its such problem for them, but not for everyone else?

Saudi Arabia has pumped hundreds of ,millions of dollars into promoting this agenda of holy war against the west throughout the world. This money funds extremism in many British Muslim institutions, and has helped produce a climate of such irrationality that many British Muslims actually believe that 9/11 was an American or Zionist plot.

But instead of fighting these warped ideas, many in the British establishment are appeasing them. The Labour MPs Sadiq Khan and John Denham, who also chairs the Commons Home Affairs Select Committee, have blamed the government for failing to act on the recommendations of the committees of Muslims set up to advise it on combating Muslim extremism.

*cough* - If you’re concerned about the effects of sucking up to the Saudis then, really Mel, you do need to looking about 3,000 miles or so west of here at a guy named George. Just a tip, you understand…

But these committees blamed this extremism almost entirely on Islamophobia, poverty and foreign policy. Yesterday, no less a person than the Prime Minister said they were wrong. Specifically he urged instead an attack upon distorted Islamist ideology. The problem is that at every turn his government seeks to appease the extremist agenda.

So Blair’s out of step with the view of other party members and blaming everyone but himself for this whole mess - and that’s news? Seems like business as usual.

BTW - are you actually going to get to point anytime soon, Mel, or this whole piece just an unstructed bitch-fest? Just thought I’d ask as you seem to be labouring the point a bit already…

What is little realised is that the committees on extremism were actually packed with Islamist extremists — and even worse, other radicals have been recruited as advisers into Whitehall.

Well then, whats the problem here - if that’s really the case we can simply arrest all the committees and advisers and end the so-called war, can’t we. Oh right, they’re extremists but not those extremists - dear me I do wish you’d make your mind up? There I was under the impression the impression that no one in Whitehal had noticed an Under-Secretary Bin Laden on the Home Office’s books, but clearly I’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

Meanwhile, the establishment — which, in the name of multiculturalism, has a long record of appeasing minorities — is terrified to identify the cause of this terrorism as religious fanaticism, because it fears this might tar all Muslims with the same brush.

But this doesn’t follow at all. Indeed, the Populus poll revealed that more than half of all British Muslims want the government to do much more to root out the extremism being practised in the name of their religion.

So they want the government to much more to root out extremism - how? And isn;t that the kind of thing you want?

It is beyond belief, for example, that what is hailed as the biggest mosque in Europe is planned to be built on the east London site of the Olympic village — and it is being funded by the Tablighi Jamaat, said by the FBI and French intelligence to be the biggest recruiters for al Qaeda in Europe.

What before or after the Olympics? and is this part of the something more that Muslim want or not - you’re not making sense here Mel?

It is beyond belief that nothing is being done to stop the recruitment and incitement to violence taking place not just in mosques and madrassahs but on campus, in youth clubs and in prisons.

Didn’t we just have yet another shitload of laws passed to try an do exactly that? Did I miss something here, or did you?

It was concern over the depth of Britain’s denial that caused me to write my book ‘Londonistan’ — which was almost not published in Britain because publishers thought it was not ‘politically correct’ — precisely to sound the alarm over a widespread state of denial which, if unchecked, will have deadly consequences.

Right, so we get to the payoff - youre actually trying to plug you book here, after all. And are you absolutely sure that publishers said ‘not political correct’ and not ‘not playing with a full deck’ - you’re absolutely sure here? No, me neither…

Instead of appeasing extremism, the government should be seeking out, promoting and protecting the growing number of truly moderate Muslims — many of them young professionals — who are wholly opposed to their radicalised institutions and desperate to rid their community of the extremism that so disfigures it.

Yep, you too can become a fully state-approved moderate Muslim, just text the Home Office for details - calls cost one pound plus your service providers normal rate and 50% of the proceeds go direct to the Tony Blair ‘Oh fuck, we can’t flog peerages anymore’ election fund…

The Government should send Muslims the message that they are welcome and respected members of the community who are free to practise their faith — but that the abuse of that faith to incite violence or hatred will not be tolerated.

That means finding out what is being taught and preached in mosques and madrassahs, on campus and in prisons, and where this is inciting violence or hatred ensuring that those responsible will be prosecuted or thrown out of the country.

And at the same time, it must also end the cultural cringe of multiculturalism and reassert British national identity rooted in the particulars of this island’s history, laws religion and culture.

So what you want is a combination of the thought police and a state-sanctioned sense national identity to which everyone will be compelled to subscribe… or else

Funny I seem to heard that kind of thing before a few years back - funny looking guy, it was - parting on the wrong side and the oddest looking moustache. Can’t recall the guy’s name but I don’t he would have been too keen on you…

Oh, well, never mind, the name’ll come to me at some point.

The July bombings were a wake-up call that has not yet been heeded. Only if Britain wakes up from its trance will it avoid even worse tragedies to come.

Or I could just go back to ignoring you, which seem much the best option…

Byline: Unity

No Comments »

Courtesy of the Beeb…

Impotency rub-on gel developed

A rub-on gel could be the first over-the-counter treatment for impotency, a company has announced.

It is being developed by Futura Medical in collaboration with pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline.

The treatment, called MED2002, is expected to go into clinical trials at the end of 2006.

But the Sexual Dysfunction Association said it is important to await the outcome of these trials to see how effective the product really is.

Good on the Sexual Dysfunction Association for sounding exactly the right note of caution on this report…

…after all I’m pretty sure I’m neither alone nor being premature (boom, boom!) in spotting the most obvious potential drawback of a rub-on treatment for impotence, am I?

So there no need to make a big splash out of this story just yet a while, okay…

Byline: Unity

No Comments »

Rooney accepts apology from Christiano Ronaldo

Okay, I’ve used this image before, but in the circumstances it’s well worth digging up again…

Byline: Unity

16 Comments »

5 Jul
2006

At long last, the World Cup has produced a game worthy of taking centre-stage in the world’s most important sporting event.

If you didn’t catch tonight’s semi-final game between Germany and Italy, then I would recommend you make sure you sit up to the small hours for the full re-run (on BBC1) and I guarantee that you will see a game which lives up to everything that football is and should be about. Two skillful and 100% committed teams giving their all, no quarter asked and none given for the full duration of the game - and yes I am deliberately trying to avoid giving too much away so as not to spoil things for those who prefer the drama of not knowing the result in advance.

If you do stay up then you’ll see a game which, above anything else, epitomises what football is and should be about; fast, skillful and combative; a game played in good spirit with no cheating - well, all but the occasional player making a little more of a minor knock than it genuinely deserves to gain a short breather and a trip to the sideline for well earned drink before re-entering the fray. And, joys of joys, all this was capped off by a superb refereeing performance (by a Mexican) who quite clear understands that his first duty to the ‘beautiful game’ is to allow the game flow and intervene with authority, yes, but only when absolutely necessary, and who, therefore, earned the respect of the players and made his own contribution to what was, by any measure, a superb game.

None of this should, however, be allowed to detract from a simple, inescapable, fact…

…the worst thing to even happen to World football is FIFA President, Sepp Blatter.

One can all too easily put forward a plethora of arguments in support of this contention, not least of which is the near constant subliminal hum of alleged financial misdeeds, dodgy deals, flagrant politicking and general corruption, which have accompanied his period of office. To a genuine football fan, however, all this pales into insignifance when set against the most basic of all facts - the man knows absolutely fuck all about football.

Blatter, or should that be Blather - so often does he open his mouth only to put foot straight in it - is, in footballing-terms, a complete fucking imbecile and, yet, in keeping with his monsterous ego and massively over-inflated sense of his own self-importance, he seems firmly to believe that not only has the absolute and unequivocal right to voice his ill-informed opinion on anything and everything to do with the game, but that he deserves to be taken seriously - he doesn’t. but as FIFA President, sadly, too many people who do count and who genuinely have a contribution to make to the game have to listen to him and put in practice his dumbass ideas, or else find themselves stuck firmly on the outside looking in.

The heart of the problem is a fundamental divergence of opinion between genuine football fans and Blatter over the nature of the ‘beautiful game’.

Football, as any real fan knows, is a game of many different but equally valuable qualities and skills which, when blended carefully together by a first-rate coach/manager and endowed with tactical knowledge and organisation, all go in to making a first-calls football team. The genuine fan is unstinting in his (or her) admiration and appreciation of excellence however this manifests itself on the field of play. To such a connoisseur of the game there is as much pleasure to be found in the perfectly-executed tackle and the impeccably-timed interception as there is the raking 40-yard pass and even the most spectacular and skillful of goals. A true fan sees as much value in commitment, strength of purpose and a player’s determination and will to win as they see in the most elaborate of set-pieces and the most extravagant display of on-the-ball artistry - and when watching a goalkeeper at work, the true fan will applaude not on the spectacular save but show appreciation of save made easy by good positioning. To such a fan a 3 or 4 goal victory may still be a poor game, while a skillfully contested 0-0 draw may be considered a classic.

None of this means the slightest fucking thing to Sepp Blatter, who’s idea of the ‘beautiful game’ is a 90 minute highlight reel of step-overs, ball juggling and extravagant attempts on goal, a dressage competition for statistics-obsessed attention-deficit Americans with a nice - and extremely lucrative - ad-break every 10-15 minutes. Make no mistake, here, if you could offer Blatter a game between a team of Ronaldino clones and team of Christiano Ronaldo clones, not only would he bite your hand off for the TV rights but he’d drop to his knees in a flash and suck on your dick like it was a MacDonald’s milkshake…

…just as long as Maccy-D’s were the official fucking sponsor for the game.

In case you’ve not caught Blatter’s latest wizard wheeze, it seems he’s now just about cottoned on that with referees handing out yellow and red cards as if they were council parking attendants handing out parking tickets on a commission basis - all courtesy of Blatter’s idiot tinkering with the laws of the game and his latest string of half-wit directives, naturally - then shock, horror and amazement, it just might turn out that one of two of his favoured wet-dream galacticos might just wind up on the wrong end of a suspension for a high-profile full-fat-advertising game like the World Cup Final.

And how does Blatter respond to this predicament? Does he, as any sensible human being might, realise the surest route to avoiding such a situation is to shut the fuck up and stop fucking around with a game you know absolutely nothing about?

Nah, course not - this is Sepp ‘I’ve got a bigger ego than Graham Poll’ Blatter we’re talking about here.

No, you can always rely on Blatter to take the dumbest route possible in any given situation - in fact, if you live in London you can thank your lucky stars he’s not a cabbie as nowhere in the Knowledge will you find a recommendation that the best route from Marble Arch to Finsbury Park requires a detour via Penzance.

No, here’s Blatter’s idea…

Fifa will consider allowing three yellow cards before a suspension in future World Cups following the record number of cautions at the 2006 finals.

Two bookings in the group stage or knockout phase currently leads to a one-match ban for a player.

"In future perhaps there should be three yellow cards in a round before a suspension. It’s something we will take up," said Fifa president Sepp Blatter.

Now follow this, if you can.

Under World Cup tournament rules, as long as a player does not pick up a second yellow card in the final game of the group stages - remembering that each team plays three games at that stage - then they start the second phase with their personal yellow-card slate wiped clean.

In other words. if we do take a trip to planet Blatter and make it three bookings for a suspension they, hey presto, it suddenly becomes impossible to pick up a suspension at all during the group stages, short of getting sent off.

Follwing that, a team that goes all the way to the final will play 4 further games - last 16, quarter-final, semi-final and final - which would also mean that, but for a sending off, a player would have to be booked in every second phase game up to and including the semi-final in order to pick up a suspension and, in fact, could theoretically collect six  yellow cards in successive games through the tournament before getting a ban - fuck me, just what is Blatter expecting here? Roy Keane to come out of fucking retirement in time for the next World Cup?

Why not keep it simple, anyway, and follow Graham Poll’s lead on three yellow cards?

On second thoughts, no, shut the fuck up, Unity - last thing we want is Poll thinking he’s some sort of fucking innovator - the man’s fucking insufferable at the best of times.

For my penultimate word on Blatter, its worth knowing that there is good news and there is bad news…

The good news is that his current term of office is up next year…

…and the bad news is that he intends to stand for re-election - and it gets even worse as it sbeing reported as well that he’ll be running with the full backing of ‘Der Kaiser’ Franz Beckenbauer, who many thought could well be a genuine contender for President this time around on the back of his successful role in organising the current tournament - those who recall that Germany’s main rival for the privilege of hosting this current tournament was, in fact, England, will surely be thinking dark thoughts at this particular piece of news - at least until they remember just how bad a fuck up the FA have made of the redevelopment of Wembley Stadium.

How could any reasonable fan respond to this news?

Well, after one gets over the mandatory wailing and gnashing of teeth and you’ve despatched a few religious wingnuts to scour the Book of Revelations and the prophecies of Nostradamus, just to be absolutely sure that Blatter is not the Antichrist - and I’m certainly not offering odds on that, either - then I suppose one could set aside ancient enmities in the true spirit of the entente cordiale, get behind Arsenal, sorry I mean the French national team, and give them our support and then plead like fucking mad for Michel Platini to throw his hat into the ring against Blatter.

Is it really so much to ask the President of FIFA, Football’s world governing body, might not only know something about the game but might actually have played at the highest level. I mean come on, its not as its difficult to hire in the bureacrats and administrators need to do the boring scut work, like cutting TV deals, sucking up to corporate sponsors and counting the backhanders, especially not the kind of incompetent and (allegedly) corrupt one that FIFA need. Let’s face it, at the rate Blair’s going, in a couple of year’s time  there’ll be no particular shortage of ex-Special Policy Advisors looking for a nice, cushion, Mandelson-free job, who’ll fit the bill to a tee.

How bad is Blatter - well put it this way, I rather vote for Doug Eliis - and that’s saying a lot for a Baggies fan!

As for my last word on Blatter, I leave that to the great John Cooper-Clarke:

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…

…TWAT.

- - -

I suppose I can’t really leave the subject of the World Cup without making some effort to join in the England post-mortem, so here goes…

THANK FUCK SVEN’S GONE!!!!

Will that do? No? Oh well…

Look, as I see it’s like this.

Keeper/Defence - a few distinctly ropey moments and a complete ‘mare in the centre of defence in the second half against Sweden. On the plus side, at least they turned it around after that and played exceptionally well in the Portugal game, in which Rio was immense - why the fuck can’t he play like that all the time?

Sorry, that’s not me asking, that question just came in by e-mail from a Mr Alex Ferguson of Manchester (???)

Seriously, on the strength of the Portugal game, Rio would be a shoe-in for the obligatory ‘best of tournament’ team, were it not for the fact that Italy’s Cannavaro is, by a street, the best defender in the tournament - and the world.

Moving on to the midfield - absolutely fucking shocking - with the players we have we should be playing total football not total crap.

Owen Hargreave’s can, of course, consider himself mostly exempt from such criticism, even if he is still a bit too fond of the old ‘hospital pass’ for my personal liking and Michael Carrick has every right not only to feel hard done by but to have put one on Sven as a leaving present after the way he was treated throughout the tournament.

As for as playing 4-5-1 goes, its all very simple - it doesn’t work.

This is mainly because our players had no room to play in midfield in that formation… because Lampard kept getting in everyone else’s way. Actually hold that thought for a moment… even when we played 4-4-2, Lampard still kept getting in everyone’s way.

Gerrard showed a few decent flashes of his dominant Liverpool form - when Lampard wasn’t getting in his way - and Joe Cole put in a couple of good performances, especially in the first half against Sweden… until we went to the 4-5-1 formation and Lampard started getting in his way, as well.

Lampard just got in everyone’s way.

As for Beckham, well Lampard didn’t appear to get in his way - although this had more to do with Beckham’s inability to move fast enough to trip over Lampard than anything else - Sorry, Becks, but its the glue factory for you, mate. Man’s the got the turning circle of Brazil’s Ronaldo without any of the ‘who ate all the pies’ excuses.

And, to be fair, Lampard also didn’t get in Aaron Lennon’s way - not that Lampard stands a cat in hell’s chance of catching up with him in the first place.

Strikers - Theo Walcott - why? As the story goes, Walcott made the squad, sight unseen, on the recommendation of Arsene Wenger… so someone clearly forget to remind Sven that Wenger is FUCKING FRENCH and, therefore, NOT ON OUR FUCKING SIDE DURING THE WORLD CUP!

Owen - at this rate it’ll be a seat next to Beckham on the bus to the glue factory before long.

Crouch - should be second in the queue to put one on Sven, behind Carrick.

Put it this way, we have at least four players in the squad - Cole, Gerrard, Rooney and - okay, I suppose - Lampard - all of whom are pretty damn good at breaking from midfield into the box and playing off flicks and 1-2s from a striker who can hold up play while others get up to him - a style of play which just so happens to be Crouch’s main claim to fame (other than his uncanny resemblance to Rodney Trotter).

You work it out…

…Sven obviously fucking didn’t.

And finally, we come to Rooney.

For those of you inclined to believe in footballing omens, its worth remembering that during the 1982 World Cup, won by Italy, a short, squat, wonderfully talented young player, who was expected to set the tournament alight, also suffered the indignity of being sent off in a quarter-final tie after kicking an opponent squarely in the nads - and yet, four years later, that same player, having grown in maturity and stature, stepped up to the mantle of greatness and near single-handedly dragged an otherwise mediocre team to the ultimate glory of becoming champions of the world…

… and so was the legendary status of a cheating cunt named Diego Maradona assured for all time - or at least until eight years later when he became the single most obvious candidate for the ‘here, piss in this bottle test; in footballing history.

(Note, we English are renowned for not holding grudge - or for anyone actually visiting from Argentina, just remember,,, Malvinas es Inglés!)

Fear not, gentle folks of England, for in four years time the core of our present squad; Robinson, Terry, the Coles (Joe and Ashley), Gerrard and yes, Rooney too, will all be reaching their footballing  prime. Lampard  may even have learned how not to get in everyone else’s way and Michael Owen may well have played , what, half a dozen consecutive games, by then, without picking up an injury..

And without Sven keeping careful watch over his flock - and crawling up Beckham’s arse at every available opportunity - Steve McLaren may even have developed the managerial acumen of a Brian Clough or a Bill Shankley…

…nah, hang on second, I’m fucking dreaming there aren’t I.

But I’m looking too far ahead, I suppose. Such things are for the future and there are more pressing matters to deal with in the mean time…

..Christiano Ronaldo’s knackers stuffed and mount over the fireplace in the Rooney household by August will do me for starters!

Byline: Unity

1 Comment »