Watching Channel 4 News about an hour ago, I noticed that an unnamed Home Office Civil Servant (is there any other kind) has taken a dig in the media at John Reid over plans to reopen the two worst prison wings in the UK to shore up the system, facilities that they described as being ‘unfit for Human CONSUMPTION’.
It’s no wonder the system’s fucked when criminals are allowed to get away with eating the fucking prisons…
Barry’s Beef on the perils of not paying attention…
Any one who knows me would know two fundamental things: 1) I enjoy comedy and 2) I have a hell of a lot of hates. Last night I went to the London Studios in Waterloo to see the filming of Al Murray’s Happy Hour chat show. I quite like Murray’s schtick and although I hadn’t seen any of the previous shows I thought it would be good to go.
Ah, I think I can see a problem on the horizon…
Wrong.
As we filed into the studio, it became apparent that Queen was being played in the background (I have pretty keen ears for background music). This is bad as I have a bordering on the pathological hatred of Queen.
Ohhhhh shit! Barry is in for a difficult evening…
Anyway after one song I thought I had coped valiantly and awaited for the next tune. Queen again. Not good. And then Queen again. By this time it dawned upon me that they were playing a Queen album. Nothing gets past me.
Yeah, thought so…
Apparently, in this series Al Murray gets every musical guest to do a version of a Queen song. Sorry, I’ve misheard. Surely not. Hopefully not. Oh f*ck, no. Not only that but everyone in the audience is obliged to get to their feet and dance. Whilst waving a Union Flag.
Yep - in fact Al’s been doing the Queen schtick in his act for quite a while now, a fact that appears to have escaped poor Barry, hence his somewhat bemused reaction.
I really shouldn’t laugh, but as Barry’s a complete piss-taker anyway, I think I must…
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
…our esteemed blogging colleague, Dr John Crippen, who walked off with not one, not two but three MedGadget medical weblog awards, for Best Medical Blog, Best Literary Medical Blog and Best Health Policies/Ethics blog, and has apparently won a fancy looking electronic stethoscope and an iPod nano with a memo recording add-on.
Score one - well, three - for the good doctor…
Back when the Identity Cards Bill was the hottest topic around, probably the hardest task facing its opponents was the decision as to which of the two junior Minister’s fronting the debates was the biggest tosser - Tony McNulty or Andy Burnham.
Recent, its been McNulty sweeping the field with his usual Manuel defence of ‘I know nothing’ whenever something fucks up at the Home Office but now Andy Burnham’s back for wilderness of the Department of Health, and he’s back with a vengeance…
Labour’s Health Minister, Andy Burnham MP, responding to the Conservatives irresponsible plans to scrap all targets in the NHS said:
“Labour’s targets in the NHS have had an important effect on improving patient care. They have their limitations, but galvanising action around one key area can achieve real change in the service. The work on MRSA and C difficile is a clear example of how targets can improve the health of patients.
“There is clear evidence to show that cases of MRSA fell once Labour introduced the target and the MRSA rate has fallen ever since. Are the Tories just happy to sit idly by not directing the service as to the important action that should be taken to tackle this disease.
“But this isn’t good enough. Although MRSA infections rates are coming down, faster progress is needed to meet our target and it remains a priority of this government to halve MRSA infections in hospitals by 2008.
“David Cameron and Andrew Lansley should be up front about what their policies would really mean - an increases in hospital acquired infections.
“The public has a right to know - would the Tories scrap the MRSA targets and risk patient care?”
You fucking what??? Fuck me, has Dr Crippen seen this yet? Dare I risk his blood pressure?
What a fucking message, eh? Let’s cut the bullsit and waffle and translate this into English…
VOTE TORY AND YOU’LL DIE…
HORRIBLY…
OF ONE OF THOSE FLESH-EATING SUPERBUGS…
YES, THEY ARE FUCKING PAINFUL…
AND VERY, VERY NASTY…
WE EVEN SOMETIMES HAVE TO USE MAGGOTS TO CLEAN OUT THE ROTTING FLESH…
YOU KNOW THE GORY CLOSE-UP BITS IN CSI..?
IT’S WORSE THAN THAT…
MUCH WORSE…
BAD ENOUGH TO MAKE WES CRAVEN PUKE HIS GUTS UP…
SO YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE CATCHING THIS SHIT DO YOU..?
NO, OF COURSE YOU DON’T…
SO YOU WON’T BE VOTING TORY THEN, WILL YOU..?
I’M GLAD WE HAD THIS LITTLE CHAT…
AREN’T YOU?
I’ve got no particular problem with taking a bash at the Tories, but my distinct preference is that if you’re going to have a crack at least make it a credible one… and this just ain’t it.
Look, I’m not a doctor, but even I can see that controlling MRSA is not a matter of setting targets or putting perfomance incentives in place for hospitals that don’t manage to infect people with shitty new illnesses they didn’t have to begin with, and as nasty as MRSA, the actual steps necessary to sort it out are relatively straightforward and easily implemented (apart from one that does need a bit of extra political oomph) without targets.
So here’s my two-step plan for control MRSA.
1. GPs should stop prescribing antibiotics where they’re not needed - antibiotics are proper drugs not placebos for kids with neurotic, over-protective parents. (and I do know that many GPs are very good on this - but there are still some who let the side down).
This is simple - fighting off minor infections on your own, especially when you’re a kid, is good for your immune system. My son, 14, has had, at most, one course of antibiotics in his whole life and averages one minor bout of the common cold a year, if that.
[Update - Having rightly been picked up on this by a GP, I should clarify that what I mean by point 1 is NOT that GPs are part of the problem or reponsible for MRSA, but rather that GPs can be a big part of the solution by encouraging a much more sensible attitude to the use of antibiotics, generally, one that does enable people to get the most from their natural defences against infection and disease
Sorry, it that was less than clear or appeared to be taking a shot at GPs - that’s not how it was intended - Unity]
2. CLEAN THE FUCKING HOSPITALS PROPERLY.
I don’t give a fuck how you do it, whether you do it with contracts, tenders, outsourcing or bring it all back in-house (come to think of it, that last one sounds good), but just fucking well do it!
There, that wasn’t difficult was it - that’ll be £3,000 plus expenses, please, Patsy…
BTW - I wasn’t kidding about Dr Crippen - he’ll go fucking ballistic when he sees this…
Oh, and for future reference, Andy, Friday is dumbass fucking press release that needs to be buried day - I thought you might remember that from your time at the Home Office.
