Ellee Seymour, the Alice Tinker of the British Blogosphere, on the subject of domestic violence…

Let’s hope our jails are never too full for the viscous bullies who beat up women.

Yes, let’s bang up all the oily bastards and have done with it…

It’s seems that Hazel Blears is not going to be the ‘Murdoch Candidate’:

I come to you straight from Hazel Blears’s launch for Labour’s deputy leadership and my ears are ringing. I don’t think it’s tinnitus. Indeed, I know it’s not. Instead it is a new condition called Hazelitis or, as it is destined to be known, Bleary Ear.

The problem lies in Hazel’s words-per-minute output. It is a shorthand nightmare. The words crowd together, hundreds of them in every minute, gasping for breath. It is like battery farming with sentences. It is hard to explain but if you force yourself to read this column at five times the normal rate, you will see what I mean. The brain simply cannot take the strain and so the ears, at some point, just stop working.

Battery farming with sentences… Hehehehehe. Not bad. Not bad at all…

But how would she differ from John Prescott? “Well,” she said, giggling. “I’m small and I’m a woman which will be very different indeed!” Plus, she chirped, she had energy.

Indeed, she is like one of those battery-operated rabbits who just never stops. We shuffled out, ears almost bleeding, to a rallying cry from the campaign manager, Caroline Flint, perhaps best known as Minister for Obesity. “Hazel Blears doesn’t just talk the talk, she walks the walk. She gets out there. She’s a great motivator. There are no no-go areas for Hazel Blears!”

I suspect this is true. If only there were, the world would be a much quieter place.

Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!

I’m admit to be keenly awaiting Hazel’s upcoming appearance on Celebrity Mastermind.

‘Your name, please?’

‘Hazel Blears’

‘Your occupation?’

‘Politician.’

‘And your specialist subject.’

‘Answering the question I’d rather answer even though that’s not the question you asked.’