Phew, with all the main action in the Ealing Southall by-election centred on dodgy defections, nicking leaflets and astroturf, its interest to reflect on the fact that the most that anyone seems able do when it comes to Lib Dem candidate, Nigel Bakhai, is take the piss out of the usual badly-drawn Lib Dem bar graph:

The Lib Dems seen to have an interesting campaign strategy going here, one that centres of trying to make a virtue out of being nondescript while campaigning on issues more suited to a would-be local councillor - here’s the questions Nigel’s posing in his current ‘community survey’…

B. Cleaner Streets

Getting our area free of rubbish and graffiti is a top priority for the Liberal Democrats.

Are you happy with the standards of cleanliness in your street?

Do you know of any areas of graffiti, rubbish or vandalism that the Lib Dem team can deal with (please tell us details below)?

C. Road and Pavements

Local Liberal Democrat campaigners are working to improve the standards of local roads and pavements.

How do you rate the quality of roads and pavements in your area?

Do you know of any cracked pavements, potholes or damaged road surfaces in your street (please tell us details below)?

D. Safer Streets

Are you aware of any road safety problems in your area?

Tackling crime and fear of crime is a top priority for local Liberal Democrats.

Are you aware of any broken streetlights or dangerously unlit areas locally?

Do you feel safe going out after dark in your area?

What would you like to see done to make our streets safer?

E. Open Spaces

The Liberal Democrats have long campaigned to protect and improve our precious green spaces in Ealing and Southall.

Do you think there are enough open spaces in our local area?

What would you like to see done to improve the open spaces in your area?

Now that’s what I call making campaign promises. Vote for Nigel and he’ll be back in a few weeks with his mates from the Lib Dems to empty your bins, tarmac your drive and put new bulbs in all the broken street lamps on your patch.

What a party. What a man.

Oh, must just ask one thing…

Is it just me or there just something about Nigel and his campaign that automatically make you think of E L Wisty…